Summary of my story

Once again I need everyone's help. I am writing a query letter to send to agents and the summary of my book needs to make them want to read it. So I am pasting my summary below and if it made you want to read my book go to comments and say "It worked". If not, please, please tell me why so I can fix it!! This is VERY IMPORTANT. I will be sending query letters next week!! Please help me!!!
Thanks!!

Mikayla is a normal twelve year old girl with an average, boring family; at least that’s what she thinks until her grandmother dies. Trying to make up for the loss, her father takes her to the annual Renaissance Festival she normally attends with her grandmother. The festival takes a different turn this year when she is given an extraordinary sword with mystical powers that allows her to enter the dream realm. Before she knows what’s happening, Mikayla is escaping from kidnappers, fighting duels, training for battle and balancing the good from the evil that controls the dreams of the waking world. And as if that isn’t enough, Mikayla’s dad has his own sword and could save her—the problem is, his sword fights for the wrong side.

Wow! Here's a nice article Thanking the Mormons for help in fighting Prop. 8

Evangelicals Thank LDS for Proposition 8 Work, Call for Christians to Stand Against Attacks

John Shroeder, Article VI11/12/2008 01:59 PM MST

Though Proposition 8 has caused divisiveness in California and within the Church, one incredible by-product of this campaign has been increased brotherhood and unity among Christian churches. While the LDS Church has been under attack, prominent priests, ministers, and writers—as well as common members—have come out against such attacks and shown their support of the Church.
The following blog entry, communicating such support, was recently posted by John Schroeder, a well-known Presbyterian and an Evangelical writer, on his Article VI blog. It is reprinted with permission:
Proposition 8 is now a part of the California constitution!
That is probably the best news from an otherwise difficult election for conservatives and Republicans. In very large part, we Evangelicals must thank our Mormon cousins for that fact. They, along with our Catholic brethren, were better organized than us and that provided a base from which we could ALL work together to get this job done What more, as we have chronicled here, Mormons took the brunt of the abuse, derision, and even threats of physical harm that came with this effort.
And like us, they have given thanks to the Almighty that is ultimately in control, even if their understanding of that Almighty is a bit different than ours.
I cannot help but wonder how much more thankful we ALL might be today if we had been more willing to embrace these religious cousins a few months ago - but alas, politics is always about governing today and looking forward to the next election.
Said John Mark Reynolds:
“In the battle for the family, however, traditional Christians have no better friends than the Mormon faithful. It would be wrong if that support were taken for granted. We are intolerant of the false attacks on Mormon faith and family. We stand with our Mormon friends in their right to express their views on the public square. We celebrate the areas, such as family values, where we agree.
“A heart felt thank you may not win points from other friends who demand one hundred percent agreement from their allies, but it is the decent and proper thing to do.
“Thank you to our Mormon friends and allies!”
Hard to do better than that. The “Ruth Youth” ministry proclaimed yesterday “International Mormon Appreciation Day.” Very appropriate, yet still inadequate.
In addition to our thanks, Mormons deserve our protection. They have been oppressed in ways during the Prop 8 campaign that this nation has not seen since the 1960’s and the civil rights movement. The rhetoric has been deplorable, but moreover. we have seen instances of vandalism, property destruction, and some leaders in the fight currently find themselves with armed protection because of the threats made against them and their families.
Our nation will not and cannot tolerate this sort of behavior - it is incumbent on all of us to stand against it, and the best way to do that is to stand between the Mormons and the forces that would perpetrate such evil.
Now I am sure the Mormons can, and probably want, to take care of themselves, but as a Christian, it is my duty to protect the innocent and free the oppressed. To turn a blind eye in this circumstance is not only ungracious, it is simply un-Christian.
Make all the theological distinctions you want, but in the political arena we are yoked with the Mormons (he said borrowing some religious imagery) and it is darn well time we started acting like it.
Absolutely, positively thank the Mormons - but don’t stop there. Stand up and be counted against the evil that has been perpetrated towards them in this campaign.
As Christians we can do no less.
*To read what has happened since this entry was created, click here.

Nikki here - Whatever your view may be on this topic I think we can all agree that violence is not the answer. Let's continue to love the people even if we don't agree with their actions.

Cool Website

Noah came home from school today with a cool website. http://www.freerice.com/ You answer academic questions and for each one you get right 20 grains of rice is donated to the UN World Food Program. It's great for kids...ok adults too. I'll admit it, I got sucked in. I loved the art questions, it's good to know that somebody is finally going to benefit from all the art classes I took in high school!! Have fun!! And let's donate some rice people!!! Noah's at 11,500 grains of rice, who can beat that??

I DID IT!!

I FINALLY finished the rewrite of my middle grade fantasy novel, "Dream Swords". I'm so excited that it's done. Now I can work on book 2 of the series and I can perfect a query letter to send to agents. And of course I will be rereading what I wrote and perfecting it so that agents fall in love with it!! LOL! So, you have all been devoted fans for so long without any pay off. Here it is, a sneek peek at Chapter one of Dream Swords!


Sorry all, I took off my sneak peek. If you didn't get a chance to read it and still want to, let me know. But you have to promise to give me feedback!! Thanks for all your help!

Pictures: Birthdays, Chicken, and Halloween

I'm a little behind on my pictures again. Sammi and Jessi had birthdays in September. Sammi turned 12 and Jessi turned 9. We had big family get together for both of them. It was great, thanks to everyone who came, the girls loved every one of their gifts!!

Here's a picture and Sammi and girls in Uncle Jason's car. They think they are so big.

Then we have our chick, Bob. We tried to hatch a chicken out of an egg again and this time it worked. Noah was still upset about last time when Kentucky had died trying to get out of his egg. But Bobby Q was a fighter and Noah felt good that it worked this time. But we couldn't keep Bobby, so we sent him home with Jason since his dad is the one with all the chickens.

For Halloween Jessi was a bride, Kassi was sleeping beauty, Sammi dressed up 80's style (yes I still own my very first crimper that I got in 1987) Noah was a paintballer and I was a hula Dancer.

Noah told me I should tie my skirt tighter cuz it made me look fat. I told him I didn't mind but he looked like he did!! LOL!